she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the day after is always just damage control
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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