If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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