So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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