is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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