Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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