This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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