My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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