well I can't set my house on fire every night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
