my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
