why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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