I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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