mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They took my balls.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
