vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
