Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
