Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
