So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
