the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
