I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
