Ambien. No doubt about it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
