In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
