I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
