You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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