i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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