We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
