drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
