Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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