alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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