i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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