thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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