Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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