you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
