it was like his penis was on wheels.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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