He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
being pregnant is like rehab
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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