I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
