I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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