I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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