You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
