It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
