haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
