Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
