I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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