Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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