the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
