you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
