3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
