I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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