Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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