I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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