she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
