True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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