I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
