Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
