and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
