Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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