I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
