Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
