i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
