eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
